


Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

by spikesgirl58



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23577142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikesgirl58/pseuds/spikesgirl58
Summary: Napoleon and Illya can handle just about anything, even chocolate covered.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lindafishes8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindafishes8/gifts).



_Sscccrrroppp_

“Illya, try to walk quietly,” Napoleon whispered. His own efforts were closer to _sllloopp,_ with a _pop_ at the end. “What will they think of next?”

Illya scowled. “I can’t believe this. THRUSH has had some hare brained ideas before, but this one takes

the cake.” He winced as he took another step. “Napoleon, I’m annealing to the floor.”

“We all have our burdens to bear.” Napoleon tried to wipe his face clean, but he only made it worse. “I would kill for a shower.” He licked his lips. “My god, I’m delicious.”

“I’d kill for a camera. At least they used a good quality chocolate.”

“At least they let us keep our underwear on.” Illya took a deep breath and lurched forward. “A small comfort in trying times.”

“What I don’t understand is to what end. I mean, they knew the vat they dumped us into wasn’t that deep and they didn’t even lock the door to keep us from escaping.”

“It’s not like we are hard to track.” Illya glanced over his shoulder at the dark brown trail they left. “Where are we going to go?” He winced. “I think I have a chocolate headache coming on.”

“From what I remember, the exit is dead ahead. If we can get out of here and flag down a taxi, we’ve got it made.”

“Napoleon, what taxi driver in their right mind would stop for us?”

“You have a point. Still, if it’s light, then that means the sun is up and that will help.”

“Oh, sure, like there aren’t indecency laws here.” 

Napoleon grinned despite the discomfort. “Perhaps now you will understand when I favor boxers to briefs.”

“Napoleon, I would honestly favor nothing right now compared to briefs.” Illya touched the door. “It’s warm.”

“Must be the way out.” Napoleon yanked the door open and they tumbled out. They’d only taken a few steps when both became uncomfortably aware of their surroundings.

“Tell me this isn’t what it is.”

“It isn’t what it is.”

“Liar.”

“We’re going to die, aren’t we?” Illya whispered as a dozen women turned to them. The banner advertising half off Easter candy floated down into the crowd and Illya took a slow step back.

“We are, but what a way to go. Now we know how chocolate Easter bunnies feel.”

“If they try to bite my ears off, there’s going to be hell to pay.”

“I’m more worried about something else being bitten off.” Napoleon was reputed to have said. However, when they both woke up in the hospital, bruised and bandaged, neither man could really remember what actually happened. And for that they were most grateful.  
  



End file.
